3 weeks post op - Today is a rough day.

One step forward two steps back it seems sometimes....  I know I'm strong enough to get through this but then other times the road ahead seems so incredibly long and hard.  I wonder when am I ever going to feel myself again.  And all I wanna do is cry... Not sure if it's the pain or hormones but today I'm a mess.  I just wanna be me again.  I just wanna ride my bike again,  enjoy the warm weather in the pool,  exercise with my dear friends,  go on date nights with my husband,  go places with my kids...  I'm so incredibly tired of pain and hurting...

I just have to keep telling myself 👇 

Hot Days of Summer (Day 11 Post Op)

Whew, one more day down.  And one more day closer to not having to wear this brace. I will be so thankful when it comes off for good. But I guess there is no point in thinking about it too much cause I still have a ways to go. 

Today though,  I did get  a brief break from the brace while laying out at a friend's pool while the family had a nice swim... Enjoying the holiday weekend.  

Things have been going steadily with the healing.  I've been able to slowly taper down my pain pills.  So just on one pain pill a day now plus 3x a day I take 2 tylonal.  Can't wait to get off it all! 

Just  a few more days till my post op Dr appt!  Yay! Very curious to get  some questions answered and see how he thinks I'm healing.

In other news.  My husband ripped his bicep in his arm while moving some furnature, so now he has to have surgery too in just a few days. :( We are going to be a funny sight when we are out together. Lol. 

This is some cool stuff right here....! (Day 8 Post Op)

Howdy folks, another day post surgery, and another day closer to being normal again. I try not to think too much about how dreadfully far I still have to go to get back to normal otherwise I'm washed over with a wave of discouragement and I can't let myself live there. So I try to focus on counting each day that goes by.

So there is this really cool thing that came with my hip kit that I order off of Amazon (click to see item) that I told ya'll about the other day, but I wanted to show you my second favorite tool in there (the first being the grabber/reacher). 

       

 So here is my second favorite tool, the sock assist tool. Do you know how incredibly impossible it is to put your sock on when you can't bend or twist? Trust me it is. Well this great little doodad is amazaballs! 

Pretty nifty huh!?? 

(if the gif doesn't play, click on the image) 

Last of all for today (cause hubby has pizza coming and I am actually hungry), did I mention ya'll how much weight you can gain in the hospital, even when your barely eating anything!?? I gained 13 pounds while staying two nights in the hospital. Can someone say IV overdose!? Whew, I wasn't prepared for that. If I had know I would have brought some looser fitting clothes to wear home (which I should have anyway), I did get the comfortable, just not so loose. Ah well, if you have over night surgery stays planned, be prepared for all the possible water weight! 

On the bright side, I have lost all but 1.5 lbs of the weight I gained while there, so I will call that a win.

Ok folks, well I am off to enjoy some delicious pizza and Cheesecake Factory cheesecake (yeah not so wholesome, but I did that for breakfast and lunch today). Hope you all enjoy your 4th of July weekend!!

YAY! (Post Op Day 7, I made it to week ONE!)

Yay! I finally made it to week one!  I am actually feeling pretty normal again, except always needing help out of the chair, tying my shoes,  sore and tight abdominal/lower back region. I still feel like an invalid but each day gets a little easier.

So since was feeling so good I decided to venture out and get  get my nails done. I've been having some pretty bad cabin fever and I was really feeling a need to GET OUT!  It was my first time to drive post surgery (I highly advise talking to your Dr before driving post op!!), but all went well and I only went a couple miles down the road.

So this evening I decided to get out of the house again for a change to see some other human friends. Let me tell you, being coop up in a house 24 hrs a day, uncomfortable and with very limited mobility can really get to playing games with your head. SO it felt so so good to get out and see some friendly faces, and get back to a place full of people that mean so much to me. It really did my psyche good!! 

Let me clarify, I may look all 100% back, but I am not quite there by a long shot. I still get uncomfortable (something that builds by the minute) if I walk or stand or sit for more than 10-15 at a time. My bed and my recliner are my favorite places. But I try to limit them as I know that walking is important. I try to be up and mobile as close to half the day as possible but my days have gone from 16 hrs days to 12 hr days. 

Venturing out... (Post Op Day 6)

Well today is Day 6 Post op (And first day to wear makeup. :) ). I decided to venture out with my hubby to his orthopedic appt. Somehow he has ripped his bicep tendon and is going to need surgery next week. This is getting down right comical.  Over all the trip out went great although I did deal with some nausea, which I think may have been from my pain pills.

In other news. Something people may not talk about much with back surgery is constipation. Please let me urge you, if you are going to be having spinal surgery or any surgery involving anesthesia and strong pain pills (& in my case them moving my intestinal sac over to the side to reach my spine), please talk to your Dr about steps you can take in the days leading up to and the days after your surgery to help limit your discomfort and any possible traffic jams. ;-)  I assure you will be glad you did.

And last of all for today, my pain has significantly improved. Yay! I have been able to decrease my pain pills by half, so each dose instead of two pills I only take one, and I have completely stopped the muscle relaxers

A better day.... (Post Op Day 5)

Whew. Last night was another rough night. I guess there is something about the dark, barely being able to move on your own (although once I am up and walking I do pretty good), that brings in the dark thoughts. Of course me stumbling on a spine website with a forum I had never seen before the surgery was probably not helping me much. Some of the horror stories were pretty frightful! Just helped bring in all the panic I had experienced the night before (which I mentioned in my previous post).  I think I will wait a month or three before I go check out that site again.

Overall today is better than the other. Still soooo far from normal. Still hurts, so so cautious, but the pain is becoming a little less intense each day, so that is a huge relief. 

I still don't feel well enough to get out besides a sort walk down the street. Hubby was wanting to take the kids and I out to Braums, but honestly I don't think I can handle an hr out yet. Just not quite there yet. But it does feel like each day get's me a little closer.

Little Miss Bella seems quite happy with herself today for making it to sit on my shoulder since she is still not allowed on my stomach.

Oh! My bandages got changed for the first time today on day 5. Well most of the bandage. There is still a small bandage that still covers the incision itself so I can't see how big the scar is yet. 

Oh, and I got to have my second shower today. That felt really refreshing! Being one that likes my daily showers, taking one every other day has been weird. But honestly it takes alot of work to take a shower. But it's getting easier. :) 

This brace has to be worn ALL day, no matter what I am doing aside from when I am in bed or taking a shower,  It's not so fun but it's super important I don't bend or twist at all!  I didn't get a very good picture of it, I'll try to another time.

Looking forward to tomorrow and a little less pain, and a little more movement! 

I don't think I have ever been so in love with my husband as I am now while he so lovingly takes care of me at every little thing I need (and believe me it's a lot, I can't do for myself). He's such a great man! 

Just maybe (Post Op Day 4)

So last night was the first time since last Wed when I went in for surgery that I felt the least bit of pain relief.  I took the full dose of pain pills (2 pills)  plus I put an ice pack on my back incision and another ice pack on my stomach incision.  Between the two I was actually able to get some relief and was able to bring the pain level down to something tolerable where I could actually focus on something else.  Unfortunately it was night time so all I really had planned to do was sleep.  But it felt nice to get some relief.  

Ice, ice, ice.  That is my best friend right now.  I would barely be able to handle the pain without it!  So thankful for ice packs!

Last night shortly before the pain relief episode, I had a bit of a panic episode, where my brain started running away with the idea of what if this surgery doesn't work.  What if I stay in constant pain? Or what if my screws cause me issues? I'm stuck if that happens and the only option would be to do surgery again.  Right now I'm traumatized by those first 4 days of post surgery.  I don't say that to scare anyone who is faced with with going through it.  You can get through it,  but there is no way I want to ever have to go through that again! Once is enough. Honestly I think the scariest part for me is I don't know what will happen. I know I should remain calm and trust that it is out of my hands and all will work out. But I guess that's where my control freak part comes in. I don't like not being in control of myself or my future. And right now I am in control of nothing! 

This morning two great things happened. A very sweet neighbor brought my family donuts for breakfast  the kids loved it,  and I'll admit I have a weakness for donuts from time to time too. 

The other awesome thing that happened was my hip kit arrived from Amazon! It has a reacher pole,  a shoe horn, sock aid, bath sponge stick and dressing stick.  I'm most excited about the reacher!  I'm been so useless when it comes story picking up something below my reach since I can't vend over! If I drop something,  I don't have to call my family to come help me.  I hate asking for help!  So yes this is a great day! I can reduce the amount of help I have to call on.  

In other news our sweet Bella kitty is still mad at me and is mystified as to why I won't let her come walk or lay on my belly.  She stalked away from me in  a huff this morning and went to lay my hubby.  Lol.

No kitty kitty... (Post Op Day 3)

The kitty here is insistent and determined to come lay on my (cut open) tummy, like she usually did when I laid on the couch before my surgery. She's highly offended I am blocking her. But even the slightest touch by anyone or anything to my abdomen (that was cut open and spread open and organs pushed aside for the surgeons to work on my spine 3 days ago) is breathtaking (not in a good way!).

Her favorite thing? Jumping from Gabe's body to mine, on separate recliners. I cannot imagine the pain if this 15# cat was able to use my cut up belly as a spring board to get to her favorite sitting spot! Um, no Thank you!

In other news I am incredibly thankful to a local woman who I only know through name that responded to my fb garage sale post and offered to let me borrow their walker. It will help getting up from the couch, and bed, toilet etc so much easier! I doubt I should need it more than another week but we will see.


This is another thing that is going to come in handy the next few weeks. This kit I found on Amazon. It should be here by tomorrow, Very excited for it, as it is I can not pickup anything that is barely below waist level. Do  you realize what all is below waist level?? Yeah I didn't either until that area became off limits to me. Even bending over to lift the toilet seat up! Who would have ever though that involved much of a bend!?

Ah, another thing I found out when I was released. I am not allowed to drive a car for the next couple weeks while I am on these heavy pain killers (what heavy pain killers?? I'm still feeling heavy pain!?)  That's gonna be weird. I am not use to not being able to drive myself places.

Well tomorrow is a new day. Hoping it leads to less pain and a little more mobility!

Oh Boy..... (Post-Op Day 2)

Me, my back brace and my couch have become one.
Being the stubborn, ocd, perfectionist one that I am, who also is the one that one of the kids obviously got their sensory issues from its probably better I stay here cause any of the aforementioned might just drive my poor husband crazy trying to take care of me for the next couple weeks since I can't bend or twist at all.
So far so good.... So far I only broke down in tears once and he only threw his hands up once. Three hrs down and two weeks to go.... Lo

I wasn't warned about this... (Post Op Day 1)

Man why is it when you don't want to fart you can't hold them back but when you need to you can go for days without it!? 

This hospital won't let me eat till I pass gas! And of course now my body won't. 😣 I haven't eaten since 10pm Tue night. I had some broth and jello yesterday afternoon but that got promptly thrown up, then tried some ginger ale and broth and that got thrown up too! Later in the evening last night I convinced them to give me a couple of saltine crackers and a pudding but goodness.... Man cannot live on a couple of saltines and pudding alone! Lol 

Well this will jump start my diet plan I guess. I had planned to really focus on my diet over the next 3 months since I can't workout during that time. But for now it would be really nice if I could fart so I can eat!

In other news, my blood pressure is still crazy low, this past time about an hr ago was 83/49. Now I'm use to having kinda low blood pressure, it it usually runs about 112/85. But this super low blood pressure is causing me a problem because I can't use my Dilantin pain pump very much cause it might make my heart rate drop further. 😣

And wow, the pain in my stomach is way more than my back. I was told it would be that way, it just feels weird. Very hard to sit up or even move. Each day is suppose to get better though. ✌

It's like a resort... (Post Op Day 1)

Wow! I may be in a ton of pain from surgery but the food and fresh flowers they bring at each meal is so pleasant and helps get my mind off the pain for a bit! And the staff here are all crazy nice! ‪#‎besthospitalever‬ ‪#‎starmedicalcenter‬ ‪#‎nohospitallikeit‬

Post Op- Surgery Afternoon

He gets to eat 3 course meals, while I get to enjoy apple juice out of a wine glass!! It doesn't really matter though because I am a groggy mess! Having a really hard time seeing too,  everything is blurry.  Which is really weird.  I'm just now able to see well enough to see the keyboard on my phone, but just barely.  

(*later found out it was probably cause my blood pressure was super low,  upper numbers were in the 70's &  80's. They thought the low blood pressure was caused from the anastasia combined with pain meds. Which made it hard the whole time to keep my pain very under control. Each time I used the pain pump my blood pressure would get low). 

On another note, he has been such a wonderful help to me...handing me food, making sure I don't need anything, carrying away my puke bags, and just all around being my handsome helper!
‪#‎whoneedssexynursesIgotmyown‬!

The Day is finally here! Surgery Day!

Probably shouldn't have read the worst case scenarios on that sheet I just signed at checkin. Well here we go.... ‪#‎letsjustgetthisoverwith‬

Update on Bethany (From my husband): 

Surgery went well. They were able to complete the procedure about 1 1/2 hrs ahead of schedule (SO about 2 1/2 hrs total). Bethany has had quite a day getting past the anesthesia and pain discomfort though so its been a pretty consistent effort. Her blood pressure has been consistently low so they have to balance the doses of pain meds between getting on top of the discomfort and not letting her blood pressure levels bottom out. quite a balancing act. The nurses have been amazing! she has been resting fitfully throughout the day. Much thanks for the thoughts and prayers!

Don't be nervous

I'm not one to show weakness. Or at least I try to hide it. But I'll admit I'm feeling pretty scared about tomorrow's spine surgery as I sit here for Pre-op blood work. I've been nervous all along whenever I think about it too much but now I'm really getting nervous.

I've never been one to be afraid of pain but I find myself the most nervous about how much pain I'll be in when I wake up from surgery. After being in constant 24 hours a day pain for so long the thought of increased pain makes me cringe.

Surgery starts at 7 a.m. Prayers for peace of mind & pain management would be appreciated. Surgery is about 4 hours long. They'll be operating on my spine through my stomach first to remove the little bit of disc that is left, then inserting the fake disc. Then they will flip me over to bolt in a couple of screws in my back.

I'm praying I can return to normal life with a quick recovery. I miss feeling normal so much. I miss working out and feeling fit. I just can't imagine my life without being able to workout, it's so much of my life! Praying this brings me back to it.

Pre-Op

Pre-op appt.... 

One week to go. So ready to put this whole ordeal behind me and get back to living life to the fullest! I don't barely remember what it feels like to not be in pain. It has been months since I have had a single hour of no pain.

My Person

It's so great going through life with someone.... Your very own buddy.... Your person. The guy you always know is in your corner and has your back. 💓💓Gabriel so glad you are my person.

Murph 2016

So, so proud of you babe for completing your first Murph Challenge! I saw you struggling at parts but you kept pushing through and you did it!! I would have loved so much to have done it with you!! But we always have next year. 😊

Such a great group of peopleCrossFit TBRR, everyone seriously rocked it today on Murph. It is not an easy workout but you all pushed through! The vibe of determination and grit was strong there today. I'm Proud of all of you!!

Some funnies....

These pretty much sum up my life lately.... 

No Excuses

 Hope I don't lose all my gains while I'm not able to workout over the next few months. My plan is to focus on diet, since I can't on fitness.

Trust

Well this mornings phone call with the surgeons office didn't go as I had hoped but I know God has a plan and it isn't always as we hoped it will be.

I just found out my surgery will not be until June 22, I was hoping to find a way to have it be sooner but it is not possible as the Dr will be out of office most all of June.

I'm desperate to get back to work (and working out). So this was very disappointing news. I won't be able to return to work for 4-6 weeks after surgery so that's going to put me right at the edge of running out of medical leave (which I'm still waiting to see if I'm approved for). I'm so tired of being in constant pain though as well and the thought of waiting a whole other month is very discouraging. I am thankful I can at least get the surgery, so I'm going to try to focus on the positive and leave the rest that is out of my control to God and pray my job will be understanding. It's the best company I've ever worked for, and such great people I work with. I just pray I don't run out of medical leave before I can get back, and I hope they give me the time to catch up on the 12 weeks of learning I will have missed.

Date Night

Date night....it has been one of those nights where you get all dressed up and your hair did.... Then you get to town and realize you don't feel like going out but you put too much effort into it not to go. Hahaha.
Our date night grand plans made a detour to Olive Garden.

Wowza!!!

I've always complained and grumbled about our health insurance. Today I shall shut my mouth and be so incredibly thankful for it!!
Without it I would have no chance to get my back fixed and afford this 360 Spinal Fusion at $300,000.00 if I was paying for it without insurance!! Whew!


In other news..... I'm so over these pain pills!! I want a glass of wine!!!!

Mmmmm Yummy!

I may be limited in how hard I can workout right now, (some days the pains too bad to workout at all) but I can eat right. And man is it yummy!!
#youcantrytoknockmedownbutimnotstayingthere #nevereverquit #vegetarianseatgoodtoo

That explains things...

Finally some light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you my sweet man Gabriel, for going to the appt with me this morning and helping me come to this decision and be at peace with it. Even though I'm scared to death of the idea of surgery on my spine.

They will be doing a minimally invasive surgery, going in through my abdominal to remove my bad disk and replace it with a metal spacer that will act as a disk. Then they will take blood from my hip bone to get platelets to use in the new disk to create a bone fusion. I will also have acouple screws put in my spine through my back.

Now we're just waiting on insurance to approve the surgery and hopefully I can get it done within the next 2-3 weeks. I will hopefully be able to return to work within 3-6 weeks after surgery. The best news!!?? I should be able to start working out again 3 months after surgery! Ok, the best news is getting out of pain but working out again is the next best news!

(The pictures kind of speak for themselves. You can see in the x-ray on the right, when I'm standing there is virtually no disk at all between the bones. The surgeon said it should have been the thickest disk there at the bottom!)

Leave

As if a herniated disk wasn't putting me in enough pain, my body thought it would add a kidney infection to the mix just for fun. Boy howdy do I ever feel like I've been hit by a bus. Hurts all over, body aches and cold chills and sweats an a Texas size headache. This would explain why I spent half my weekend at the ER. And they sent me home telling me I had a cold! Ha! Thank goodness I followed my intuition that this is just not right and went in to be seen. I haven't barely been able to even move my hand the past 3 hrs because I'm just so weak.

I know I've asked for alot of prayers lately, but I'm asking for more. I've proceeded to take a medical leave from work till I get surgery, the pain is just too intense, I never know when it's really going to increase. And sitting at my desk definitely is not helping. Had to leave work twice now in tears. I can't keep doing that. I'm waiting and praying it will be approved. I don't want to lose this job! Best place and people I have ever worked for and with.

I would like to add how amazing my husband has been through all of this. Taking care of me at every single turn, worried about me, taking care of the kids, loving on me. Words can describe how amazing he is! Goodness Gabriel I sure do love you!!!